Inhale, hold for 5 seconds, exhale. That's what I do most now since I dropped out of school and quit my job. Do you recognize it? I call it a reset. A very long reset. I'm in an 'I-don't-know-phase'. It's a phase where I don't know. Tadaaa!! The process of quitting has several phases.
You are probably in the middle of it or you have already done it. I will go through the different phases with you step by step. At first I didn't even know this was a thing. The process. Different phases.
Until someone pointed it out to me, which made me more aware of my feelings. I hope to pass this on to you as well. What I noticed is that there are 4 different types of phases. How long each phase lasts is of course different for each person. Still, it helped me to be aware of which phase I am in and which phases await me. The first phase is:
And then you really don't know anything for a while. You don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, you don't know if it's good or bad, and so on. It demands a lot of energy from you. It helped me to tell myself that it's okay to do nothing. We have been in constant motion. School, work, social life. It all falls away for a while. I didn't have it anymore.
Yet I felt an urge to still be in constant motion. Had to do things that I thought were useful. To name a few things: looking for work & learning. I still tended to go back to the old pattern that I hated. I was told: "Doing nothing is allowed, being there is enough". In this situation, doing nothing and knowing nothing is very valuable.
Doing nothing brings you more to your inner self. You go within and feel all the emotions you have and find peace with that. People on the outside will say you've been doing nothing for a long time, you guys. While a lot is happening inside.
Just like with ducks. They seem to do nothing while kicking hard or moving forward.
Here you will find your answers to your questions that you thought you would find at school at the age of 4/5. Your curiosity resurfaces. During this phase I learned to knit, to sew, to hold a drill for the first time, to chop wood for the first time, and so on. At one point I saw so many possibilities. Every day I came up with a different idea of what I want to do. Home hairdresser, farmer, journalist and eventually I felt an urge to do this.
Pinterest is of course a fantastic source of inspiration. Still, I got more inspiration from other people. I got more interest and curiosity from people who also don't have a standard life. I looked it up on the internet, but new people also crossed my path, went to places where I got inspiration. The fire in me started to burn. Which led to the next phase.
The fire I felt gave me much more zest for life and energy. I want to make the ideas I had/have into reality. I went straight to work. Because I now have all the time in the world and there is no rush behind it either. Do everything at your own pace and rely on your own strength. Fear and doubts sometimes appeared here.
It gives you a challenge to learn to deal with this. Such a process as I describe it sounds very nice actually. You become more aware of yourself and everything around you, but believe me it is really no fun to go through this and how long a phase lasts is also the question. The only thing in your power right now (if you're going through this) is to trust that you'll get out of here and accept whatever you're going through.
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